Realised I didn't blog for quite some time. For about two months actually. What have I been up to? Well nothing much. Planned to go thailand. Didn't manage to go in the end. Went to malacca instead. Spent some time with family. Commencement. Finally graduated, but officially jobless. Pondering whether to continue phd or just start doing spo. Trying to get a part time job. Had a few reunions with different group of people. Sent Alex off. Frankly speaking, I have no clue I could really enjoy meeting these old friends again. Really happy. Hadn't been this happy since that incident.
Of course, life is not perfect. It is tainted by squabbling contest with dad, and "don't contact me anymore" by someone else. Tried lotsa things to salvage the condition. As the saying goes, we'll only regret those things we never did, not those we've done, right? But of course, things don't always go my way, and as usual it didn't work.
It seems as though I'm trying to make my own and others' lives difficult. I guess it's for myself. I don't wanna be cold-blooded. I don't want to regret again. When you allow things to fade away, it will just never come back? I don't know. But I'm really glad two of these individuals came back into my life. But somehow I feel lacking. Maybe I'm just greedy. For this one individual, I've decided to let go and let live. Dee's right. There's no difference between persistence and being irritating. It's just the process and consequence. However, I'm gonna live my life my own way. I'm not going to avoid anyone anymore. I'll just go whenever to meet whoever that is glad to see me.
As for another person, twice we drifted apart. Is it really worth the shot? I don't know. But we'll see. But what I know is, I don't wanna be coward and wait for things to happen anymore. I'll ask straight in the face, not beat around the bush. But I sincerely hope things can go back as they were.
My future. Do I love research? Is being SPO just an alternative for me to run away? I have no idea, yet. But I'll continue thinking. No matter what others say, I'm going to deal with my life, my way. It might not be the best way, but it's filled with Cynn's flavour. I must say, no matter how sucky I am, there are people who love me. I sincerely hope I'll hurt none of them now or in the future. I shall pray.
Long post. Gotta stop writing. God, you hear me right? Amen.
