Pep-talk.

         Chinese New Year passed by in a glimpse. It was peaceful, enjoyable, though not that exciting anymore. Guess I ain't that young anymore eh? Soon it's the most commercialised festival of the year, Valentine's Day. None of my business, really. Then it's my "day", which I can't help but feeling like to avoid it. Not cause I fear the ageing, nope. Just an awkward day where everyone is awkward. Just another day.

           Forgotten why I started this post. Hmmm.. Oh I just finished climbing 26 floors at one go. Bad stamina really, but going to persevere and hope I can get fitter. Then..? Maybe train alongside Bro before he joins the army. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, cause I just can't be like those gentle, caring, demure sisters depicted in every possible scenarios. But I'm me, so bad luck for you, Bro.

            The post is called pep-talk. So I guess I'm gonna pep-talk myself. I'm 24, not much achievements up-to-date except for a degree in hand. That's all really. And I've been wasting the past 9 months wallowing in self-pity, initially because I don't understand, followed by "Oh.." and then "Should I..."... and these sorts of stuffs. But after tested very discreetly (at least IMHO) for a few times, I agreed that I think too much. Borrowing a statement from a friend, that's not my fruit tree. Not only that, don't think the tree even flower (for me) in the first place. Must have mistaken some other people's tree as my own. Ah, it must be a 桜木, only for admiring. Touche.

             So despite warnings like "You're gonna regret if you never try", "Why can't you just forsake your ego and be honest?" and stuffs like that, I still am not gonna try. Why? Call me a coward. Or nothing. But not going to do anything doesn't mean that I completely eliminated the tree. I just allow it to grow at some hidden place, so that one day if the tree intends to flower, I'll still be there. Hopeless much? Whatever. (I've been using whatever a lot lately. I always think it's rude. Maybe I'm getting rude.) On a side note, I don't understand why people act out of courtesy. Not that I'm asking people to be rude. But under private scenarios, maybe people can try and well, be sincere, rather than courteous.

             Now, I know that I've been static for months. I need to move forward. I need to know why I chose this path in the first place. I need to recover my passion. So from now on, watch me. I'm going to warm you with passion. I'm going to keep searching, because my dream is to be a researcher. Someone said to me, it's a marathon. So instead of burning out, I'm going to do it a step at a time, warming myself. There's this picture I saw that day, the difference between 0.99 and 1.01. There you go, I'm going to step out of my shell and give that extra 0.01 everyday. ファイト！