In Shadows.

            So I was saying, I took a first step out. You see, sometimes I felt as though I came from another planet. I have very different moral stand with people. For instance, giving out present. I loathe buying present. Because I loathe to see the look of disappointment or despise or unsatisfactory façade on other people, which I perceive sharply. Like a kick to the back of my head. So I always give presents in secret. And you have to matter enough (and also I need to know what you probably really really wanted) to me for me to go through the hassle of buying, hiding it, and not being there when you see it. So about the price, if I gave you this present, of course I have assessed that you are valuable enough for me to pay this price for your present, that will make you happy. But when you asked me if you could pay me back, how much lower is my status in your mind? Sigh. At least you're very happy. I think. I hope.

               Second thing. It is always hilarious to me that people think I'm extreme extrovert or something. Simply because I speak things out. One, I only speak things like rubbish and work- related stuffs. Rubbish because it's the kind of humour I assumed I have (smartass!) and work- related because duh, I need to work to feed myself. And so I dare to speak in the crowd. To people. But have you ever really see me telling you how I feel about you (the listener)? I don't. I am shy. I am borderline intro/extrovert. I am me. I am egoistic. And so for the things that matter the most, I could only be in the shadows. Like a coward. But if you reach out to me, I will talk. I just don't know how to start talking. It is funny how I should feel when the whole room is laughing at how lame I am, but I can't make the ones that matter really listen.

                I'm not expecting anything. It's just drama in my own head, that one day I could make people understand. That deep beneath those lameness, could you really see who I am? But it's fine. One day, one fine day. Either I leave first or vice versa. Why pine on something impossible? What's the point of being angry when you're angry because your voice can't be heard through your actions?

                    Alcohol is indeed a great discovery. Or invention. Anything. At the very least, others are happy. I hope. I try.